You get a lot of offers of help when you have twins, unfortunately everyone wants to help in ways that are generally not at all helpful. Basically they want to ‘look after’ the twins, which means that I not only have to look after the twins, I have to look after them ‘looking after’ the twins.

Questions you’ll find yourself silently asking, before trying to diplomatically find a solution:

Why in god’s name are you holding Twin 1/2 like that?

You do realise that you’re playing with a baby and not a cat?

How have you got the contents of Twin 1 and Twin 2s bottle all down their front, even more impressively down their backs, and spectacularly not got any on the attached bib?

Why have you got the content of a bottle all over Twin 1 and Twin 2 but not changed their outfit?

The list of things that people could actually help with is almost endless. It would be really great if people would like to vacuum or clean the bathroom. Alas, these jobs are not as fun as getting a cheeky grin from a Twin who is covered in milk and trying to focus on a toy, being shaken manically, miles from their grip.

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